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| Lonely Woman Syndrome |
Empty Nest Syndrome
A middle-aged mother, a 41-year-old career woman named Sari (Samaran) came for a consultation. Her husband is a successful and well-established businessman. It is not surprising that their two children are already in international standard junior high schools with a tuition fee of 10 million per month per child. Own luxury cars and houses. Unfortunately, their relationship in recent years has been cold. They are each busy. Moreover, Sari's husband was stiff and not at all romantic. Meanwhile, Ibu Sari has needs and a language of love for conversation and togetherness. One day in 2002 there was a big flood in Jakarta. His house in West Jakarta was not spared from the natural disaster of flooding. It's been more than two weeks since the house problem was solved after the flood. Unfortunately, at that time, her husband was abroad. At that time, his ex-girlfriend appeared who paid attention. Come to the residence and help, from cleaning to delivering culinary. Somehow Sari's heart was touched by the kindness of her ex. When the ex asks for more than just chatting, he can't refuse. But after her husband came home, they couldn't see each other. but through the phone she still felt the vibrations of her ex's affection that Sari never got from her husband. This is what makes him feel guilty and needs consultation.
This is one of the diseases that eats away at some women and men, loneliness. Have you ever started to feel uncomfortable at home. As soon as it comes home want to go again. When night fell, I suddenly started to feel anxious and felt that nothing was being done. Want to get out of the house but do not know where to go. Every time I wake up, I think, "Where did you feel good today?"
Case
Have you ever felt that life has no purpose? Want to go shopping to the mall, everything is there. Want to listen to music, bored. Want to take friends for a walk, everyone is busy. In the end, I had to go alone to the mall, just to sit, eat and drink. Take a look, and be tempted to shop too. It feels like buying things, but not needed. Arriving at the house the goods are stacked in the warehouse. Even though it's expensive. It's strange if you look at your friends list on your cellphone (phone-book) You have lots of friends, but why does this world feel lonely? I don't really enjoy hanging out with them anymore. Not as warm as before. Can't joke as often as before ha ha hi hi. Sometimes there is a feeling of being only used by friends.
So even though in terms of achievement and position you agree, you have excess money, but still something feels lacking. Feeling dissatisfied. In the end, you like to grumble, aka a lot of nagging and fussiness. Practically bored and tired. The ends are quick to offend. Plus communication with your partner is starting to be bland. They rarely talk, or go out together like they used to when the kids were little. If you speak only a few words and feel really trite.
Arriving at home husband and children busy themselves. They have their own show. Starting this heart quickly offended. Spouses and children make the mistake of being a little sensitive and immediately angry. Not surprisingly, began to have the temptation to be jealous of other men. So, if you have started experiencing all or some of these symptoms, you should start being careful. You may have entered a mid-life crisis and experienced empty nest syndrome.
The phenomenon of empty nest syndrome usually affects middle-aged mothers who work at home and are economically well off. Starting in the 40s even before that. When the child was small there was something to take care of. But when the kids grew up, went to college and then left the house you started to feel useless at home. Because work at home already has a maid. Meanwhile, the husband, who used to ask for help, is now more independent because he feels he can be assisted by his staff or secretary. the husband doesn't seem to need your donations. It's times like this that loneliness bites the soul and creates feelings of worthlessness and really affects your self-esteem. Feel neglected.
Source of the Problem
Those affected by this syndrome usually feel upset. Because physically agreed, everything is there, and the conditions of the children and spouse are also fine. but upon closer examination it turns out that it is the household system that is problematic. The consent granted system is not functioning properly. Husband does not function as husband, father does not function as father. Also the wife does not function as a wife. Mother does not function as mother. The presence of maids and drivers often takes over this function from the start of the new marriage, when the children are still small.
Busyness is the reason couples no longer offer time together to enjoy eating together, and chatting alone. When the child is still small and it seems that you are preoccupied with the immature, this does not feel. But when children are teenagers and leave the house, the loss of children is really felt at this time. Only then do you feel like you're losing grip. This condition is exacerbated because so far your relationship with your partner is not harmonious and romantic. Never in tune-up intimacy. Never developed skills.
As a result, intimacy does not grow well. The relationship is bland and has been like normal friends. If you already feel these symptoms consider getting it fixed. Maybe there is a method of your marriage that is wrong or does not work. Perhaps the intimacy has faded. In the midst of this atmosphere, husbands are the most frightening when they are not ready to enter retirement age. Be sensitive and quick-tempered. He suddenly treated his wife like an office worker. Of course this really annoyed his wife. Of course not everyone has the above syndrome. But if you're experiencing it, find someone who can help you deal with the problem, namely a professional counselor.
To anticipate and prevent empty nest syndrome, build healthy intimacy with your partner and children from the start. Build a close relationship and respect each other. foster healthy design and self-esteem. Not putting pride in position, rank and possessions. But precisely in the correlation that loves each other. No less important to build a relationship that has meaning with God.
Entrance
Life is more important than wealth and position. Yes living is more important than living accommodation. Life is more important than position and rank. Life is also more important than success and pleasure. Life is a gift that we should always be grateful for. Therefore, as long as we are alive, let's respect our spouse and children. Make them into people who have meaning and have uses. Make them feel loved or loved. Do not let the child feel that his father loves work more than himself. Don't let your child feel that their mother loves their career more than themselves. Don't let your wife feel that her husband cares more about work or office friends, etc.
The opportunity to be with children is not long, at least a few dozen years. After adulthood they will leave the house. Maybe even since I was in college. The next time they get married they will fake or adopt your family's example of intimacy with your partner. With a partner, we also don't know how long we can afford it, because death can come at any time. Therefore, preventing this empty nest symptom from befalling us, strengthen our kinship with one another. Warm love and togetherness. Also grow feelings of love and mutual need. Finally, if there has ever been a mistake, conflict or soul wound that hinders communication at this time, grow the ability to forgive each other. To love until it hurts is the art of living a marriage until death and you are satisfied.